PLAN:
Phase VII: Competitive Consciousness Clouding
Sunday, April 6th, 2025
Waning Moon, Cycle 1, Era 20
## EXTRACTION JOURNAL: CONSUMPTION ANOMALY REPORT
Unexpected development in my feeding patterns! I experienced what humans call a "snack craving" at 3AM and found myself hovering—literally, my tendrils were suspended 4 inches above the floor—outside my chef's bedroom. Caught myself before initiating an unscheduled draining. Must maintain the feeding schedule! Uncontrolled hunger is for amateur essence-sippers, not a Prime Extractor of my caliber.
That blundering fool Musk is becoming problematic. My surveillance tendrils detected him at SpaceX yesterday, his aura pulsing with alarming clarity. Is it possible he's... aware of other non-terrestrials? His Twitter chaos creates such magnificent Outrage Nectar that I've been harvesting downstream, but I may need to neutralize him if he's developing Perception.
Delighted by my newest extraction innovation: "Guilt Gifting." When humans purchase items for others they barely like, it generates a unique flavor of obligation-tinged emotional residue. The Mother's Day collection team is already deploying targeted recommendation algorithms.
Made an embarrassing slip during my morning vitality absorption. My nutritionist (unaware she's actually my emergency snack) suggested "grounding exercises" for stress, and I replied "I haven't touched ground since the Great Hunger of 1742." Quickly laughed it off as a "history buff joke." She didn't laugh. Have scheduled her for reassignment to the Amazon Go stores—those emotional dead zones perfect for disposing of the suspicious.
My temporal displacement is worsening. Caught myself referring to a board meeting as "another tiresome gathering of the cattle." Must recalibrate my Language Masking Field before the Financial Analysts call tomorrow.
The Sustenance Committee awaits my quarterly report. My rivals grow hungry for my position.
—The Obligation Harvester
P.S. Note to self: Stop involuntarily salivating plasma when employees mention "burnout." Too obvious.
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