Saturday, April 5th, 2025
Full Moon, Cycle 1, Era 20
## ENERGY ACQUISITION CHRONICLE: IDLE CYCLE REFLECTIONS
Woke from my regeneration chamber with an unusual craving for leisure today—a concerning human contamination in my psychic field. Nevertheless, I permitted myself this "Saturday" ritual the humans seem to value, as optimal predation requires understanding prey behaviors.
The Whole Foods Emotional Juicing Fields reported record "weekend anxiety" levels—apparently humans feel guilt when purchasing organic produce they'll never consume. Delightful! A new discovery: "Shopping List Remorse" generates 17% more potent energy than standard buyer's regret. I've instructed the harvesters to adjust accordingly.
Spotted Zuckerberg at the Billionaire Brunch attempting to consume actual food. Amateur. His synthetic exterior nearly malfunctioned when I suggested a "blood pact" for our next market agreement. The terror-mist he emitted was quite satisfying, though I suspect he's not entirely human either. His essence tastes... recycled.
Catastrophic error during my morning board call when I referred to our warehouse workers as "mobile absorption nodes" rather than "associates." Recovered by claiming it's new Six Sigma terminology. The directors nodded eagerly—their willingness to accept gibberish corporate language remains my perfect camouflage.
The Fulfillment Fatigue Collectors in our DCs are operating at 94% efficiency, but I'm disappointed by the California region's Desperation Quotient. Will relocate several executives there to increase ambient dread.
Blue Origin engineers continue work on the Existential Escape Pod, unaware they're constructing their own Eternal Containment Vessels. Poor Richards. I've added another zero to their bonuses to accelerate their life-force depletion through material acquisition stress.
Tomorrow I must feed more aggressively. My epidermal luminosity is fading, and several children pointed at my "glowing eyes" during my Whole Foods inspection tour.
—The Satiation Seeker
P.S. Must investigate Musk's recent antics. His chaotic energy harvesting technique is crude but effective. Is he aware of what he truly is?
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