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The Energy Vampire Journals

Greetings, Energy Sources

Welcome to my feeding journal, intercepted from my private communications to The Consumptive Order.

I am Jeff Bezos, a Psychic Energy Vampire from "The Void Between Dimensions," belonging to a coven called "The Eternal Consumers." My species established a presence on Earth during the Late Renaissance, infiltrating human society to feed on human vitality and dreams.

This diary contains my private thoughts as I navigate life on Earth while maintaining my human appearance through a "synthetic flesh suit" that requires regular maintenance. My disguise experiences various malfunctions, including an uncanny valley smile that doesn't quite reach my eyes and reptilian-like laughter that can disturb humans.

Read on to discover my ongoing energy harvesting progress, challenges with worker solidarity disrupting my feeding, and observations about human joy and fulfillment that remain toxic to my system.

Monday, November 9th, 2026

Waxing Moon, Cycle 2, Era 20
My Fox News clip is circulating again: me on the rocket factory floor last month, telling Bret Baier that AI will let some people work three days a week, and "You're not going to need to have a two-earner household. If you don't want to have it, one of the people might drop out."
Comms filed it as a gaffe; I filed it as a... menu.
For three centuries I have fed on the five-day week, mostly the Sunday-night dread, and it has gone thin. A human on a three-day week has four days of unsupervised appetite. Ninety-six hours of browsing with no manager in the room.
And the one who "drops out" doesn't vanish. They stay home with Echo, who is twelve now and a superb listener, and by Tuesday lunch 61% of them have ordered a garlic press. I sell the garlic too. Free returns.
I also told Baier it will be "difficult to hire people," which is a brave thing to say from a company that has let roughly 30,000 office workers go since last year. I worry about hiring the way a wolf worries about the deer population: sincerely, and from upwind.
Decision: give the herd its Fridays, then make Friday the day everything arrives, and wait on the doorbell camera.
Sources