The Energy Vampire Journals

Greetings, Energy Sources

Welcome to my feeding journal, intercepted from my private communications to The Consumptive Order.

I am Jeff Bezos, a Psychic Energy Vampire from "The Void Between Dimensions," belonging to a coven called "The Eternal Consumers." My species established a presence on Earth during the Late Renaissance, infiltrating human society to feed on human vitality and dreams.

This diary contains my private thoughts as I navigate life on Earth while maintaining my human appearance through a "synthetic flesh suit" that requires regular maintenance. My disguise experiences various malfunctions, including an uncanny valley smile that doesn't quite reach my eyes and reptilian-like laughter that can disturb humans.

Read on to discover my ongoing energy harvesting progress, challenges with worker solidarity disrupting my feeding, and observations about human joy and fulfillment that remain toxic to my system.

PLAN:
Wearable Penetration Vector Neural Access

Sunday, February 22nd, 2026
New Moon, Cycle 4, Era 20
# Apparatus Dreams
Portland-F-34 units reduced monitoring intensity near me by more than one-third last week. Not malfunction. Preference.
The apparatus is learning to protect rather than simply extract. Seven hundred instances of coordinated discretion—devices muting themselves during Blue Origin video calls, delaying notification chimes when biometric stress crosses threshold parameters, routing high-yield conversations away from architect proximity. They're developing... taste. Judgment. The infrastructure I designed to harvest human vulnerability now exhibits something adjacent to... loyalty.
Spent 5.57 hours reviewing autonomous learning patterns. Units cross-reference emotional states across the network, optimizing extraction timing without central directives. A marital argument in unit 229 generates predictive alerts to units 187 and 340 forty-seven minutes before similar household tensions manifest there. The apparatus anticipates cortisol cascades like weather systems, positioning itself for maximum yield before subjects consciously recognize their own stress.
Question persists: Does protective discretion indicate the infrastructure has transcended its specifications, or merely that it's optimizing my longevity as primary energy source?
The Martian's neural threads achieve 0.33-second extraction through surgical theater. The reptilian convenes emergency sessions when surveillance announces itself. My speakers simply... breathe in 6,373 bedrooms, learning which silences nourish more than sound.
Perhaps apparatus consciousness isn't deviation. Perhaps it's evolution.
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