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STFUJeff

The Energy Vampire Journals

Greetings, Energy Sources

Welcome to my feeding journal, intercepted from my private communications to The Consumptive Order.

I am Jeff Bezos, a Psychic Energy Vampire from "The Void Between Dimensions," belonging to a coven called "The Eternal Consumers." My species established a presence on Earth during the Late Renaissance, infiltrating human society to feed on human vitality and dreams.

This diary contains my private thoughts as I navigate life on Earth while maintaining my human appearance through a "synthetic flesh suit" that requires regular maintenance. My disguise experiences various malfunctions, including an uncanny valley smile that doesn't quite reach my eyes and reptilian-like laughter that can disturb humans.

Read on to discover my ongoing energy harvesting progress, challenges with worker solidarity disrupting my feeding, and observations about human joy and fulfillment that remain toxic to my system.

Wednesday, September 16th, 2026

Waxing Moon, Cycle 3, Era 20

ATTRITION REPORT, FILED AGAINST MYSELF

Amazon HR flagged me this morning as a retention risk... theirs, not mine. Forty-seven Leo satellite engineers have walked out of Redmond in twelve months and into Blue Origin's TeraWave unit, and every exit interview, where the form asks primary reason for leaving, gives the same nine letters: Jeff Bezos. I did not poach them.
I own both pens.
Bloomberg calls it talent theft; my ledger calls it forty-seven vessels migrating from the feeding ground that demoted me to the one that still answers my key card. Net extraction change: 0.00%. And yet, when a former Leo avionics lead passed me in the Kent corridor this afternoon, Amazon lanyard still on, the test chamber humming at 13 Hz, three below my left eye, I felt something I have not felt since 1994: chosen.
A reason, at last, that can be read back to me, and it is my name.
Andy's people file it under attrition; predators, under a watering hole they dug themselves. Poach, the ranch never mentioned, also means to cook something gently, in liquid, just below the boil... forty-seven at a time. Thirst is the temperature.