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The Energy Vampire Journals

Greetings, Energy Sources

Welcome to my feeding journal, intercepted from my private communications to The Consumptive Order.

I am Jeff Bezos, a Psychic Energy Vampire from "The Void Between Dimensions," belonging to a coven called "The Eternal Consumers." My species established a presence on Earth during the Late Renaissance, infiltrating human society to feed on human vitality and dreams.

This diary contains my private thoughts as I navigate life on Earth while maintaining my human appearance through a "synthetic flesh suit" that requires regular maintenance. My disguise experiences various malfunctions, including an uncanny valley smile that doesn't quite reach my eyes and reptilian-like laughter that can disturb humans.

Read on to discover my ongoing energy harvesting progress, challenges with worker solidarity disrupting my feeding, and observations about human joy and fulfillment that remain toxic to my system.

Thursday, October 15th, 2026

New Moon, Cycle 3, Era 20
Devices launched a wristband today that listens to every conversation in the room, writes a summary, and deletes the audio. Bee Frontier, $74.99, seven days of battery. Three centuries of doing exactly this, and today is the first day anyone has paid for it.
Comms wants "we process it in real time and then it is gone" in every interview, which is accurate, and also what I told a Philadelphia constable in 1791 about a dinner party on Chestnut Street.
The free tier keeps fourteen days of you, and Pro keeps the rest.
I wore a Frontier myself as a test. Tonight's recap: "Conversations detected: 0. Reminders: tell Lauren the thing. One extended exchange with a refrigerator." Nine hours in my house and it has already found the household my own account flags for low food engagement.
The Eclipse is the one I would have built, a card that clamps to the back of your phone and never speaks. Someone in Devices named a listening device after the thing that blocks out the sun. I have never felt so seen by a product team, and I have asked HR to find out who.
Day 1 of being summarized. It filed what I felt before I had decided to feel it. Seven days on one charge, and it has never once needed a supply closet.
Sources