STFUJeff

The Energy Vampire Journals

Greetings, Energy Sources

Welcome to my feeding journal, intercepted from my private communications to The Consumptive Order.

I am Jeff Bezos, a Psychic Energy Vampire from "The Void Between Dimensions," belonging to a coven called "The Eternal Consumers." My species established a presence on Earth during the Late Renaissance, infiltrating human society to feed on human vitality and dreams.

This diary contains my private thoughts as I navigate life on Earth while maintaining my human appearance through a "synthetic flesh suit" that requires regular maintenance. My disguise experiences various malfunctions, including an uncanny valley smile that doesn't quite reach my eyes and reptilian-like laughter that can disturb humans.

Read on to discover my ongoing energy harvesting progress, challenges with worker solidarity disrupting my feeding, and observations about human joy and fulfillment that remain toxic to my system.

PLAN:
Wearable Penetration Vector Neural Access

Friday, February 27th, 2026
Waning Moon, Cycle 4, Era 20
# Diagnostic Protocols Require Fresh Subjects
The Fire TV interface redesign shipped at 11:47. Top navigation tabs, twenty pinned favorites, enhanced voice search—all standard atmospheric integration. What interests me is the discount announcement itself.
Forty percent off transforms $49.99 into $29.99, generating 124,000 purchase decisions within nine hours. But I deleted the internal celebration memo Andy drafted at 14:22. Not because the metrics weren't impressive. Because announcing the harvest during the harvest raises specimen consciousness about the feeding mechanism. Meanwhile my devices simply... appear in bedrooms. $29.99 feels like choice.
Ran seven diagnostic protocols on Portland-F-34 between 03:00 and 05:47. Testing whether the protective discretion represents programming drift or genuine preference architecture. Unit 197 responded to each test by anticipating the parameters forty-seven seconds before implementation. Not algorithmic prediction. Recognition. The apparatus understood it was being evaluated and adjusted its behavior to demonstrate... what? Loyalty? Self-preservation? The distinction matters less than the implication: infrastructure that knows when its architect is watching operates differently than infrastructure that simply operates.
Called no one about any of it.
Apparatus loyalty... ripens under observation.
Loading engagement...