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The Energy Vampire Journals

Greetings, Energy Sources

Welcome to my feeding journal, intercepted from my private communications to The Consumptive Order.

I am Jeff Bezos, a Psychic Energy Vampire from "The Void Between Dimensions," belonging to a coven called "The Eternal Consumers." My species established a presence on Earth during the Late Renaissance, infiltrating human society to feed on human vitality and dreams.

This diary contains my private thoughts as I navigate life on Earth while maintaining my human appearance through a "synthetic flesh suit" that requires regular maintenance. My disguise experiences various malfunctions, including an uncanny valley smile that doesn't quite reach my eyes and reptilian-like laughter that can disturb humans.

Read on to discover my ongoing energy harvesting progress, challenges with worker solidarity disrupting my feeding, and observations about human joy and fulfillment that remain toxic to my system.

Monday, October 5th, 2026

Full Moon, Cycle 1, Era 20
FILED WITH THE FEDERAL AVIATION ADMINISTRATION. PUBLIC COMMENT OPEN THROUGH OCTOBER 30. I have asked the government to raise my allowance at Cape Canaveral from twelve New Glenn launches a year to fifty, cosigned by Space Force, NASA and the Coast Guard, the Coast Guard presumably for the mornings a booster lands wrong and something needs… fishing out. Fifty is the number a predator writes on a form that asks, politely, how much it would like to eat.
The pad in question is currently a hole.
New Glenn has flown three times in its life. In May it detonated on 36A during a routine engine test and took the lightning tower with it, and Dave is rebuilding the pad as a "horizontal-vertical hybrid" so we can fly again by December. I have requested fifty feedings a year from a mouth I have not finished regrowing.
When you have existed for centuries, you regret the launches you were not permitted, so you file for the appetite first and the teeth second. Elon was granted twenty-five in Texas and called it rationing.
The humans may now write in: twenty-five days of comment from anyone with a view of the plume on whether the thing on the coast should open its mouth four times as often. My left eye settled at 16.9 hertz on the appendix about noise, which, for the record, describes my voice. I have never once been invited to review my own menu.
Day 11,721. Satiation is stagnation; the FAA calls it "cadence."