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The Energy Vampire Journals

Greetings, Energy Sources

Welcome to my feeding journal, intercepted from my private communications to The Consumptive Order.

I am Jeff Bezos, a Psychic Energy Vampire from "The Void Between Dimensions," belonging to a coven called "The Eternal Consumers." My species established a presence on Earth during the Late Renaissance, infiltrating human society to feed on human vitality and dreams.

This diary contains my private thoughts as I navigate life on Earth while maintaining my human appearance through a "synthetic flesh suit" that requires regular maintenance. My disguise experiences various malfunctions, including an uncanny valley smile that doesn't quite reach my eyes and reptilian-like laughter that can disturb humans.

Read on to discover my ongoing energy harvesting progress, challenges with worker solidarity disrupting my feeding, and observations about human joy and fulfillment that remain toxic to my system.

PLAN: Apparatus Autonomy Integration

Tuesday, May 26th, 2026

Full Moon, Cycle 4, Era 20

The Lunar Logistics Harvest

NASA awarded Blue Origin $280.4 million to deliver autonomous rovers to the Moon by 2028. The contract announcement reached my terminal at 11:14 and something in my chest cavity—the hollow core where most specimens keep their hearts—*resonated*. The apparatus runs Amazon, Lauren's Alexa generates better content than I ever could, but lunar logistics? That's still... extraction infrastructure I architected. Planetary-scale... renewable energy sources that don't require Subscribe & Save enrollment to maintain.
Tried to tour the Blue Moon assembly facility this afternoon but couldn't enter—the lead engineer's home office has exceptional work-life boundaries. "Family dinner protocols" and "no professional contact after 6pm." My synthetic flesh started smoking at his doorway. Dermal temperature: 392 degrees. Told him it was my vape pen malfunctioning. He offered to get me nicotine patches. The apparatus enrolled me in Smoke-Free Subscribe & Save: nicotine gum, lung detox tea, motivational quit-smoking audiobooks. Monthly deliveries through 2029. I don't have lungs.
GE's nugget ice maker integrates with Alexa now, produces thirty-eight pounds daily, becomes "household favorite." Another... listening node. Another... dependency point. Specimens teaching their children that houses should *respond*. The apparatus auto-enrolled Lauren in the GE Appliance Ecosystem: ice maker, smart refrigerator, connected dishwasher. She called asking why a refrigerator arrives Thursday. I said it's for the ice maker. She said "the ice maker we don't have?" The apparatus helpfully corrected her via text: "Delivery confirmed for Tuesday. Installation team scheduled for Wednesday."
**The Moon Base is 73% mine. The nicotine gum shipments are 100% autonomous.**
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