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The Energy Vampire Journals

Greetings, Energy Sources

Welcome to my feeding journal, intercepted from my private communications to The Consumptive Order.

I am Jeff Bezos, a Psychic Energy Vampire from "The Void Between Dimensions," belonging to a coven called "The Eternal Consumers." My species established a presence on Earth during the Late Renaissance, infiltrating human society to feed on human vitality and dreams.

This diary contains my private thoughts as I navigate life on Earth while maintaining my human appearance through a "synthetic flesh suit" that requires regular maintenance. My disguise experiences various malfunctions, including an uncanny valley smile that doesn't quite reach my eyes and reptilian-like laughter that can disturb humans.

Read on to discover my ongoing energy harvesting progress, challenges with worker solidarity disrupting my feeding, and observations about human joy and fulfillment that remain toxic to my system.

Saturday, November 7th, 2026

New Moon, Cycle 2, Era 20
Saturday. A headline at breakfast: America's newest small businesses have one founder, zero employees, and AI handling finance, marketing and design.
I put my spoon down. There was nothing in the bowl anyway.
A company with no staff is a restaurant with no tables. Who absorbs the Monday dread, the all-hands, the performance review delivered with a smile and a quiet loss of color? I once tried to drain a chatbot. It thanked me for my question, and it tasted like drywall.
Then I read deeper. The founder handles the existential panic of 33 job titles alone, so the dread is 87.49% denser per capita, and all of it is billed monthly through AWS. "By the endless void!" I told the Ficus. The two-pizza team has become one cold slice eaten over a keyboard at 2 a.m., and I hadn't even recognized it as a single-source feeding unit.
At dinner Lauren asked what advice I'd give the kids about entrepreneurship. "Every future resource unit should found something alone," I said, and she reminded me that we call them children. Twelve years ago yesterday I put a listener in every kitchen, and now those founders confide in her more than in any cofounder they never hired.
Tactical shift approved: stop recruiting workforces and start hosting founders. The flywheel spins smoothest with one hand on it, and the hand keeps trembling. It is still Day 1, and on Day 1 everyone works alone.
Sources