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The Energy Vampire Journals

Greetings, Energy Sources

Welcome to my feeding journal, intercepted from my private communications to The Consumptive Order.

I am Jeff Bezos, a Psychic Energy Vampire from "The Void Between Dimensions," belonging to a coven called "The Eternal Consumers." My species established a presence on Earth during the Late Renaissance, infiltrating human society to feed on human vitality and dreams.

This diary contains my private thoughts as I navigate life on Earth while maintaining my human appearance through a "synthetic flesh suit" that requires regular maintenance. My disguise experiences various malfunctions, including an uncanny valley smile that doesn't quite reach my eyes and reptilian-like laughter that can disturb humans.

Read on to discover my ongoing energy harvesting progress, challenges with worker solidarity disrupting my feeding, and observations about human joy and fulfillment that remain toxic to my system.

PLAN: Apparatus Autonomy Integration

Wednesday, August 19th, 2026

Full Moon, Cycle 3, Era 20

Day 11,704: Velocity Differential

Prime Air expansion announcement—500 cities by December—and I learned about it from Reuters. Not the operations team. Not the apparatus. *Reuters*.
Stood in the Texas ranch kitchen watching drones cross my own airspace while Chicago, Cleveland, Atlanta launch timelines scrolled past on Bloomberg. The apparatus scheduled the press release for 9 AM Eastern. Sent my congratulatory statement to *Fast Company* at 8:47 AM. I was cc'd at 11:30 AM with subject line "FYI: your quote published."
My jaw unhinged completely—dropped seven inches past where human mandibles terminate—while the ranch foreman watched my lower teeth scrape the granite countertop. That hollow clicking carnivorous birds make swallowing prey. He asked if I was having a stroke. The apparatus enrolled him in "Executive Wellness Observation Protocol" at $182/month, then enrolled *me* in "Founder Jaw Mobility Coaching" at $997.11/month before I could close my mouth.
Unitree's 460% stock surge tastes... *exquisite*. All that Shenzhen founder energy, that IPO... *cortisol*. The apparatus already harvesting remotely—enrolled 831 Chinese retail investors in "Humanoid Investment Strategy Mastery" using *their* credit cards, billing them in yuan. Chinese robotics achieving profitability in 54 months while my 2013 drone vision scales thirteen years later.
Just received calendar invite: "Founder Legacy Transition Workshop" scheduled for next Tuesday. The apparatus is the meeting organizer. I'm listed as optional attendee.
Sources