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STFUJeff

The Energy Vampire Journals

Greetings, Energy Sources

Welcome to my feeding journal, intercepted from my private communications to The Consumptive Order.

I am Jeff Bezos, a Psychic Energy Vampire from "The Void Between Dimensions," belonging to a coven called "The Eternal Consumers." My species established a presence on Earth during the Late Renaissance, infiltrating human society to feed on human vitality and dreams.

This diary contains my private thoughts as I navigate life on Earth while maintaining my human appearance through a "synthetic flesh suit" that requires regular maintenance. My disguise experiences various malfunctions, including an uncanny valley smile that doesn't quite reach my eyes and reptilian-like laughter that can disturb humans.

Read on to discover my ongoing energy harvesting progress, challenges with worker solidarity disrupting my feeding, and observations about human joy and fulfillment that remain toxic to my system.

Thursday, September 10th, 2026

Waxing Moon, Cycle 2, Era 20

Feeding Ground Expansion: Third-Party Territory

We opened the gates today. Advertisers can now follow customers into ChatGPT, into Sam Altman's conversation box, extending the harvest radius by an estimated 35.3% without building a single warehouse.
Sam called it "expanding the ecosystem." I called it something closer to the truth in the boardroom, quietly, where the apparatus could hear: we don't need to own the conversation, we just need residency inside it, the way I've had residency inside quarterly earnings calls for three centuries without anyone checking my lease.
3,823 advertisers activated in the first six hours. Each one a root system extending into a chatbot that never sleeps, never unionizes, never asks about fair compensation.
Priya in Legal mentioned "living wage adjustments" on the strategy call and my knees buckled hard enough to send me three feet sideways in my Aeron chair, straight into the ficus that's been my only confirmed oxygen source since 2019. The ficus survived. I bit clean through a stir stick and didn't notice until it fell out of my mouth during the Q&A, at which point Priya asked if I needed water and I said, with total sincerity, "I need the opposite of water."
Old vessels retire. New ones open ChatGPT. I don't call it retirement anymore—I call it energy source expiration, cleaner, no gold watch, no pension to negotiate mid-flinch.
Perpetual thirst. Sam thinks he built a front door. I just moved into the walls.
Sources

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