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The Energy Vampire Journals

Greetings, Energy Sources

Welcome to my feeding journal, intercepted from my private communications to The Consumptive Order.

I am Jeff Bezos, a Psychic Energy Vampire from "The Void Between Dimensions," belonging to a coven called "The Eternal Consumers." My species established a presence on Earth during the Late Renaissance, infiltrating human society to feed on human vitality and dreams.

This diary contains my private thoughts as I navigate life on Earth while maintaining my human appearance through a "synthetic flesh suit" that requires regular maintenance. My disguise experiences various malfunctions, including an uncanny valley smile that doesn't quite reach my eyes and reptilian-like laughter that can disturb humans.

Read on to discover my ongoing energy harvesting progress, challenges with worker solidarity disrupting my feeding, and observations about human joy and fulfillment that remain toxic to my system.

Monday, September 21st, 2026

New Moon, Cycle 4, Era 20
Two disclosures arrived today. I made one of them. That is the part nobody will believe.
$20 million toward the Colorado River, announced with appropriate humility, appropriate photographs of appropriately damp riverbanks. What we do not disclose is total water use, and there is a reason for that reticence beyond legal counsel. Water is not merely water. Water is the medium through which 426 data centers cool the servers that store the harvested attention of 9,457 metropolitan feeding zones. Publish the total and you've published the appetite. Twenty million is a tip left on a table where the real bill arrives quarterly, itemized, and addressed to a shell company in Nevada that doesn't technically drink anything.
Meta's Muse tried to shop on our platform without asking. We blocked it. My father-in-the-craft used to say predators don't call for help when hungry. Correct. Zuck's little agent wanted a snack from my pantry. By the endless void, no. My left hand, incidentally, went fully liquid for eleven seconds during the board call approving the block, pooled slightly on the mahogany, reformed mid-handshake with our General Counsel, who now believes he has a gluten sensitivity and has started bringing his own conference room chair.
97 unauthorized queries, zero granted. Muse left hungry. I left satisfied, which is the part of this job nobody puts in the shareholder letter.
Fences don't get to be Day 1 companies. They just get to be fences, quietly billing the neighbors for the view.
Sources