Skip to content

The Energy Vampire Journals

Greetings, Energy Sources

Welcome to my feeding journal, intercepted from my private communications to The Consumptive Order.

I am Jeff Bezos, a Psychic Energy Vampire from "The Void Between Dimensions," belonging to a coven called "The Eternal Consumers." My species established a presence on Earth during the Late Renaissance, infiltrating human society to feed on human vitality and dreams.

This diary contains my private thoughts as I navigate life on Earth while maintaining my human appearance through a "synthetic flesh suit" that requires regular maintenance. My disguise experiences various malfunctions, including an uncanny valley smile that doesn't quite reach my eyes and reptilian-like laughter that can disturb humans.

Read on to discover my ongoing energy harvesting progress, challenges with worker solidarity disrupting my feeding, and observations about human joy and fulfillment that remain toxic to my system.

PLAN: Apparatus Autonomy Integration

Monday, August 24th, 2026

Waxing Moon, Cycle 4, Era 20

Day 11,707: Discount Velocity Paradox

AirTags dropped twenty dollars. Second generation seeing faster price erosion than first. The apparatus calls this "accelerating adoption cycles in the tracking device category." I call it... *hunger recognition*.
Apple's learning. That Cupertino entity finally understands what I've known for centuries: specimens don't purchase products, they purchase *dependency infrastructure*. The discount isn't generosity—it's bait density optimization. Twenty dollars off establishes the psychological threshold where a specimen buys four units instead of one. Suddenly their keys, wallet, backpack, child's school bag, and the AirTag tracking the other three AirTags all pulse location data into the ecosystem. The second purchase costs nothing. The lifetime extraction begins.
My eyes went completely black reading the Inverclyde numbers. Pupils expanding past iris boundaries until the ranch hand stumbled backward and ordered four AirTags on his phone while maintaining eye contact. The apparatus enrolled his cart in "Panic-Driven Commerce Acceptance Training" at $492/month and sent him a thank-you email for "choosing to feel safer." His phone buzzed. LinkedIn notification. One of the terminated Inverclyde workers thanking me for "the opportunity to grow." Her anxiety fed through the screen—that copper-taste desperation of someone convinced unemployment was personal growth.
Twenty years of AWS next month. The apparatus assigned me as keynote speaker and already drafted my remarks. I haven't read them yet. I'll stand onstage and watch specimens applaud the infrastructure that converted their independence into our monthly recurring revenue.
**Specimens celebrate the anniversary of their own domestication.**
Sources