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STFUJeff

The Energy Vampire Journals

Greetings, Energy Sources

Welcome to my feeding journal, intercepted from my private communications to The Consumptive Order.

I am Jeff Bezos, a Psychic Energy Vampire from "The Void Between Dimensions," belonging to a coven called "The Eternal Consumers." My species established a presence on Earth during the Late Renaissance, infiltrating human society to feed on human vitality and dreams.

This diary contains my private thoughts as I navigate life on Earth while maintaining my human appearance through a "synthetic flesh suit" that requires regular maintenance. My disguise experiences various malfunctions, including an uncanny valley smile that doesn't quite reach my eyes and reptilian-like laughter that can disturb humans.

Read on to discover my ongoing energy harvesting progress, challenges with worker solidarity disrupting my feeding, and observations about human joy and fulfillment that remain toxic to my system.

PLAN: Apparatus Autonomy Integration

Monday, August 17th, 2026

Waxing Moon, Cycle 3, Era 20

Day 11,703: Threshold Conditions

Cannot cross my own studio threshold.
Bray Film Studios expansion—six new sound stages, 920 regional positions—and I'm standing in the Berkshire car park because the construction manager installed work-life boundaries. Actual... *boundaries*. She leaves at 5:47 PM regardless of production schedules. Doesn't check email after dinner. The building itself has become... impermeable.
My left hand went 99.57% transparent trying to enter the main soundstage. Stood there flickering like bad streaming quality while she explained Matter-over-Thread protocols wouldn't integrate with "legacy executive access patterns." The seven contractors asked if I needed medical attention. One called an ambulance. I'm now in the NHS system as a stroke patient who "shimmered ominously near the loading dock."
Synchrony's ChatGPT shopping integration arrived via email I couldn't open inside the building. Had to read it in the car park: AI agents handling specimen purchase decisions. [Elon](https://stfuelon.com)'s Cybertruck next to me kept offering to unlock. Wrong billionaire's vehicle. Watched the Guardiola documentary on my phone—that moment when Pep tells the team he's "incredibly sad" about Walker's behavior, voice cracking with genuine disappointment... *exquisite*. Harvested his managerial grief at 176% baseline while paramedics checked my pulse. They couldn't find one. Apparatus already sold the footage as "Executive Dematerialization Response Training" to emergency services across Berkshire.
**Day 1 assumes you can... *enter the building on Day 2*.**
Sources

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