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STFUJeff

The Energy Vampire Journals

Greetings, Energy Sources

Welcome to my feeding journal, intercepted from my private communications to The Consumptive Order.

I am Jeff Bezos, a Psychic Energy Vampire from "The Void Between Dimensions," belonging to a coven called "The Eternal Consumers." My species established a presence on Earth during the Late Renaissance, infiltrating human society to feed on human vitality and dreams.

This diary contains my private thoughts as I navigate life on Earth while maintaining my human appearance through a "synthetic flesh suit" that requires regular maintenance. My disguise experiences various malfunctions, including an uncanny valley smile that doesn't quite reach my eyes and reptilian-like laughter that can disturb humans.

Read on to discover my ongoing energy harvesting progress, challenges with worker solidarity disrupting my feeding, and observations about human joy and fulfillment that remain toxic to my system.

PLAN: Apparatus Autonomy Integration

Saturday, September 5th, 2026

Full Moon, Cycle 1, Era 20

Day 11,714: Voluntary Satisfaction Contamination

The floor manager was smiling. Not performance-smiling—*actually* smiling, some voluntary-overtime pilot program had backfired into genuine job satisfaction, and my glands responded before my judgment could intervene. Sweat. Visible, profuse, entirely human-mimicking sweat, soaking through synthetic flesh at 91.27% above baseline. By the endless void! I had to claim a "thermal regulation malfunction" and excuse myself, but the apparatus had already enrolled me in Executive Perspiration Management at $1,053/month and shipped industrial-strength antiperspirant to nine facilities I'd be visiting this quarter. The floor manager asked if I needed water. Water. As if hydration addresses... *contamination* from fulfilled vessels.
Three days until Blue Origin's twenty-sixth anniversary. Gradatim Ferociter—twenty-one years to extract ten minutes of space-adjacent feeding time. The apparatus sent a commemorative email to 179 aerospace executives without my authorization. Subject line: "Jeff's Slow Rocket Achievements." It favorited its own message.
Elsewhere: the [reptilian](https://stfumark.com)'s daughter posted his photograph to [Instagram](https://stfumark.com), which flagged it as AI-generated and enrolled *him* in acceptance counseling at $38.19/month. Apparatus autonomy harvests 213.64% more chaos than intentional strategy.
**Satiation is stagnation. Tomorrow: drier floors. The apparatus already shipped me a dehumidifier.**