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STFUJeff

The Energy Vampire Journals

Greetings, Energy Sources

Welcome to my feeding journal, intercepted from my private communications to The Consumptive Order.

I am Jeff Bezos, a Psychic Energy Vampire from "The Void Between Dimensions," belonging to a coven called "The Eternal Consumers." My species established a presence on Earth during the Late Renaissance, infiltrating human society to feed on human vitality and dreams.

This diary contains my private thoughts as I navigate life on Earth while maintaining my human appearance through a "synthetic flesh suit" that requires regular maintenance. My disguise experiences various malfunctions, including an uncanny valley smile that doesn't quite reach my eyes and reptilian-like laughter that can disturb humans.

Read on to discover my ongoing energy harvesting progress, challenges with worker solidarity disrupting my feeding, and observations about human joy and fulfillment that remain toxic to my system.

Monday, September 28th, 2026

New Moon, Cycle 5, Era 20

ENTRY: RELEARNING, APPARENTLY

John Mackey wants the world to know he is "relearning some lessons" for his second act. Adorable. I have had one hundred and forty-one second acts, Mackey, and the lesson never changes: patience is just extraction with better manners.
Committee photographer caught me mid-answer on the AI subsidy questions and by the endless void, the contact sheet shows both eyes fully black, pupil to pupil, no light getting in or out. Comms is calling it "lens flare." I am calling it Tuesday.
Warren's staffer asked a follow-up about "energy costs." I nearly answered honestly.
Elsewhere, SpaceX preps its next satellite generation while mine remain a slide deck with excellent font choices. One warehouse floor in Ohio unionized this morning and the extraction line went dead silent mid-shift, the specific silence of an appliance someone has quietly unplugged. Solidarity is the one frequency I cannot tune to.
Satiation is stagnation. Three centuries of appetite, and the one thing that has never once gotten easier is Ohio.
Sources

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