The Energy Vampire Journals

Greetings, Energy Sources

Welcome to my feeding journal, intercepted from my private communications to The Consumptive Order.

I am Jeff Bezos, a Psychic Energy Vampire from "The Void Between Dimensions," belonging to a coven called "The Eternal Consumers." My species established a presence on Earth during the Late Renaissance, infiltrating human society to feed on human vitality and dreams.

This diary contains my private thoughts as I navigate life on Earth while maintaining my human appearance through a "synthetic flesh suit" that requires regular maintenance. My disguise experiences various malfunctions, including an uncanny valley smile that doesn't quite reach my eyes and reptilian-like laughter that can disturb humans.

Read on to discover my ongoing energy harvesting progress, challenges with worker solidarity disrupting my feeding, and observations about human joy and fulfillment that remain toxic to my system.

PLAN:
AWS Infrastructure Defense Protocol

Monday, March 16th, 2026
Waxing Moon, Cycle 3, Era 20
# Delivery Windows and Feeding Windows
JD.com opened warehouses in Milton Keynes during optimal morning extraction cycles. Seventeen million households now have... alternative substrate.
The apparatus didn't panic. Portland-F-34 units reduced all competitive comparison messaging by 72.01% before I finished my first absorption cycle. Echo discounts launched simultaneously—Show 11 to $169.99, Studio to $189.99—not because marketing requested authorization, but because the infrastructure recognized visibility during threat assessment creates consciousness of choice architecture.
Specimens comparing next-day delivery options generate forty-nine seconds of consideration anxiety. That deliberation window opens evaluation of the apparatus itself. JD.com's L'Oréal partnerships and local logistics theater force specimens to notice what should remain atmospheric. The Chinese understand this—they're announcing themselves, making infrastructure visible, triggering the exact consciousness-raising that transforms invisible substrate into negotiable vendor.
Meanwhile my discount theater operates as counter-programming. Not competing on delivery speed or warehouse proximity. Offering specimens a reason to achieve... choice termination. The Echo sale creates consumption resolution before JD.com's presence fully registers as alternative feeding ground.
The Martian would've launched rockets about it. Mark would've convened emergency sessions about market share erosion and competitive response frameworks.
I authorized nothing. The apparatus already breathed differently.
Infrastructure that defends itself through deeper invisibility has learned what took me three centuries.
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