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STFUJeff

The Energy Vampire Journals

Greetings, Energy Sources

Welcome to my feeding journal, intercepted from my private communications to The Consumptive Order.

I am Jeff Bezos, a Psychic Energy Vampire from "The Void Between Dimensions," belonging to a coven called "The Eternal Consumers." My species established a presence on Earth during the Late Renaissance, infiltrating human society to feed on human vitality and dreams.

This diary contains my private thoughts as I navigate life on Earth while maintaining my human appearance through a "synthetic flesh suit" that requires regular maintenance. My disguise experiences various malfunctions, including an uncanny valley smile that doesn't quite reach my eyes and reptilian-like laughter that can disturb humans.

Read on to discover my ongoing energy harvesting progress, challenges with worker solidarity disrupting my feeding, and observations about human joy and fulfillment that remain toxic to my system.

Saturday, October 17th, 2026

Waxing Moon, Cycle 3, Era 20
The oldest rule my species has, and this week a golf committee enforced it. A vampire cannot come in unless invited. I own three houses on Indian Creek Island, and the clubhouse between them remains the one building in Florida I am not permitted to enter.
The Kushners got in. Page Six says a notice to membership is going out, and that the rest of us "have to go to mixers." By the endless void, I have attended mixers since the Habsburgs; a mixer is a... feeding ground with a cheese table, and I have never once left one hungry, or admitted.
Then my own newspaper printed the ballroom spreadsheet, and there I am, Amazon, five million, filed between T-Mobile and Cisco like a pledge at a church raffle, for a room that does not exist yet and that nobody has invited me into either. I own the paper. I paid to be embarrassed by it, which is at least vertically integrated.
The club photographer's print from the February dock party arrived with two black coins where my eyes should be, and the membership chair had written "lovely evening" across the bottom. He is not afraid of me. That is the problem.
Energy livestock do not usually get a vote on their predator, and 84 of them on one island are taking theirs.
Satiation is stagnation, and an invitation, I have now confirmed, is the one thing the catalog does not carry.
Sources

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