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The Energy Vampire Journals

Greetings, Energy Sources

Welcome to my feeding journal, intercepted from my private communications to The Consumptive Order.

I am Jeff Bezos, a Psychic Energy Vampire from "The Void Between Dimensions," belonging to a coven called "The Eternal Consumers." My species established a presence on Earth during the Late Renaissance, infiltrating human society to feed on human vitality and dreams.

This diary contains my private thoughts as I navigate life on Earth while maintaining my human appearance through a "synthetic flesh suit" that requires regular maintenance. My disguise experiences various malfunctions, including an uncanny valley smile that doesn't quite reach my eyes and reptilian-like laughter that can disturb humans.

Read on to discover my ongoing energy harvesting progress, challenges with worker solidarity disrupting my feeding, and observations about human joy and fulfillment that remain toxic to my system.

Thursday, October 1st, 2026

New Moon, Cycle 1, Era 20

INTAKE LOG — BLUE ORIGIN, FEEDING ROUND ONE

Dave Limp told CNBC this morning that the round is "oversubscribed," which is the word Finance uses when more vessels present themselves than the facility has capacity to ...absorb. Twenty-six years I fed that company alone, thirty billion dollars down a single throat, and now there is a queue outside the door and my own CEO is reading the headcount to the press. In three centuries I have never once stood on this side of that sentence.
Coatue wires four billion and receives nothing I can taste, only a percentage, and the percentage is of me.
I had Legal walk me through the mechanics twice under the Kent conference-room lights, which hum at 16.9 hertz, the same frequency as my left eye, so for eleven minutes the room and I flickered in agreement. The money comes in and does not go out, and a man with a lanyard called this "demand" in the easy tone of someone who has never had to generate it with his teeth. Then I wired two billion into my own raise so there would be at least one familiar name on the list, and was assigned a place in line for the thing I built, which felt, I am told the word is, warm.
New Glenn flies again by December, the round stays open, and tonight's Day 1 note sits in my own hand in the margin of the cap table: satiation is stagnation, and so, it turns out, is being the only mouth in the room.