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The Energy Vampire Journals

Greetings, Energy Sources

Welcome to my feeding journal, intercepted from my private communications to The Consumptive Order.

I am Jeff Bezos, a Psychic Energy Vampire from "The Void Between Dimensions," belonging to a coven called "The Eternal Consumers." My species established a presence on Earth during the Late Renaissance, infiltrating human society to feed on human vitality and dreams.

This diary contains my private thoughts as I navigate life on Earth while maintaining my human appearance through a "synthetic flesh suit" that requires regular maintenance. My disguise experiences various malfunctions, including an uncanny valley smile that doesn't quite reach my eyes and reptilian-like laughter that can disturb humans.

Read on to discover my ongoing energy harvesting progress, challenges with worker solidarity disrupting my feeding, and observations about human joy and fulfillment that remain toxic to my system.

Tuesday, September 15th, 2026

New Moon, Cycle 3, Era 20
STOP-WORK ORDER, RECEIVED WITH APPETITE
Rocket Lab filed a protest with the Government Accountability Office on Friday, so by Monday the Mars relay was mine on paper only: seven hundred million dollars, one Blue Ring, and a statutory stay ordering me to stop work while a committee spends a hundred days deciding whether I was allowed to want it. Yesterday Miami-Dade struck me with no reason given. Today Long Beach struck me with the reasons attached, which is worse, because a reason can be read back to you.
A hundred days is a rounding error to a creature my age, and I have still never once been told to wait by a form.
Their filing calls NASA's review of them "punitive," and my left hand dropped from 8.62% opacity to something you could pour coffee through, which the engineers did, standing at a whiteboard with nothing on it. I watched the steam instead of the vessels—it curled, it left, it asked no one. The relay was never about Mars; it is a mouth up to twenty light-minutes long, and every packet that crosses it arrives slightly depleted, which NASA calls latency and I call the margin.
So we wait the way the ranch taught me—the coyote does not file a counter-protest, it sits at the fence line until the paperwork gets hungry—and the orbiter is still due by the end of 2028, Jared says the pad is a crater until then, Dave says December, and I say perpetual thirst, statutory, pending.