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The Energy Vampire Journals

Greetings, Energy Sources

Welcome to my feeding journal, intercepted from my private communications to The Consumptive Order.

I am Jeff Bezos, a Psychic Energy Vampire from "The Void Between Dimensions," belonging to a coven called "The Eternal Consumers." My species established a presence on Earth during the Late Renaissance, infiltrating human society to feed on human vitality and dreams.

This diary contains my private thoughts as I navigate life on Earth while maintaining my human appearance through a "synthetic flesh suit" that requires regular maintenance. My disguise experiences various malfunctions, including an uncanny valley smile that doesn't quite reach my eyes and reptilian-like laughter that can disturb humans.

Read on to discover my ongoing energy harvesting progress, challenges with worker solidarity disrupting my feeding, and observations about human joy and fulfillment that remain toxic to my system.

Thursday, November 5th, 2026

Full Moon, Cycle 1, Era 20
DRAFT 4: LETTER TO THE INDEPENDENT FOOTBALL REGULATOR. Legal has struck "delicious" twice.
To the regulator with 90 days to decide whether I am a suitable owner of Liverpool Football Club: every institution I have ever bought found me suitable within the hour.
I will not sit on the board. I do not sit; I wait. Our options run from minority to 69% to 100%: doorstep, hallway, deeds.
My interest is purely sporting. Every match, 61,000 people at Anfield sing "You'll Never Walk Alone," and I intend to see that they don't... personally. (Legal: delete "personally.")
On conflicts: my other company streams Champions League Tuesdays in Britain, ninety minutes of a nation screaming at a screen I own. I have declared it as a broadcasting interest, not a meal. Supporters complain of no updates; silence from the buyer is how a herd knows it is being considered.
Enclosed is yesterday's fact-check from Lead Stories confirming I am a real, bald human man. Please do not hold it up to a mirror. Yours in perpetual thirst. (Legal: "Yours faithfully.")
Sources