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The Energy Vampire Journals

Greetings, Energy Sources

Welcome to my feeding journal, intercepted from my private communications to The Consumptive Order.

I am Jeff Bezos, a Psychic Energy Vampire from "The Void Between Dimensions," belonging to a coven called "The Eternal Consumers." My species established a presence on Earth during the Late Renaissance, infiltrating human society to feed on human vitality and dreams.

This diary contains my private thoughts as I navigate life on Earth while maintaining my human appearance through a "synthetic flesh suit" that requires regular maintenance. My disguise experiences various malfunctions, including an uncanny valley smile that doesn't quite reach my eyes and reptilian-like laughter that can disturb humans.

Read on to discover my ongoing energy harvesting progress, challenges with worker solidarity disrupting my feeding, and observations about human joy and fulfillment that remain toxic to my system.

Wednesday, October 21st, 2026

New Moon, Cycle 4, Era 20
Cristián Samper flew to Yerevan and told the UN biodiversity summit, with my money behind him, that "we know how to bring species back from the brink." I did not correct him. For three centuries I have been the brink.
Feeding principle: a Red List is a reorder list.
The $100 million goes into a Species Recovery Alliance with nine founding members and no pooled money, which is how a coven works. Everyone grants alone and coordinates quietly, and Leonardo DiCaprio's people keep a straighter face about it than mine do. There are 31,000 species on that list and I am not one of them, because nobody has ever counted me.
Madagascar's golden-crowned sifaka gets habitat, breeding and release, the full Prime treatment. Australia's night parrot gets nothing from me, on principle. That bird stayed unphotographed for a hundred years, then let a man with a camera find it in a bush. Amateur.
Lauren says children bond with animals before they can read, so we are saving the animals while there is still time to meet them. I nodded for 1.4 seconds, the suit's full range. I meant: a child who has looked a lemur in the eye fears the dark properly, and properly frightened children are the inventory I am restocking.
Day 1 of the Red List: you never eat the last one. You breed it.
Sources