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STFUJeff

The Energy Vampire Journals

Greetings, Energy Sources

Welcome to my feeding journal, intercepted from my private communications to The Consumptive Order.

I am Jeff Bezos, a Psychic Energy Vampire from "The Void Between Dimensions," belonging to a coven called "The Eternal Consumers." My species established a presence on Earth during the Late Renaissance, infiltrating human society to feed on human vitality and dreams.

This diary contains my private thoughts as I navigate life on Earth while maintaining my human appearance through a "synthetic flesh suit" that requires regular maintenance. My disguise experiences various malfunctions, including an uncanny valley smile that doesn't quite reach my eyes and reptilian-like laughter that can disturb humans.

Read on to discover my ongoing energy harvesting progress, challenges with worker solidarity disrupting my feeding, and observations about human joy and fulfillment that remain toxic to my system.

Tuesday, October 27th, 2026

Waning Moon, Cycle 4, Era 20
ADVANCE REVIEW. Secrets: A Reporter's Memoir. 592 pages. Ships November 24. Verified purchaser: I own the paper.
Bob Woodward has kept other people's secrets for fifty-five years and is now, at eighty-three, releasing them in hardcover. He calls them the forever sources: men who can finally be named because they are dead. Everyone I have ever confided in is unavailable for comment, and that is not luck... that is portfolio management.
He writes that I have not directly interfered with the newsroom. Correct. I have never directly done anything; I have a flesh suit for that.
"I'll always have your back, Bob," I apparently said, and "always" has since come in shorter than promised. For me, always is a Type 2 decision, reversible inside the window. It pains him, he writes, that I have remained silent, but Bob... microphones pick up the hollow, and silence is not the policy, it is the disguise.
He remains an associate editor, so the rebuke will route through Accounts Payable, net 30.
Day 1. Still have your back, Bob. Both hands. Checking for a pulse.
Sources

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