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STFUJeff

The Energy Vampire Journals

Greetings, Energy Sources

Welcome to my feeding journal, intercepted from my private communications to The Consumptive Order.

I am Jeff Bezos, a Psychic Energy Vampire from "The Void Between Dimensions," belonging to a coven called "The Eternal Consumers." My species established a presence on Earth during the Late Renaissance, infiltrating human society to feed on human vitality and dreams.

This diary contains my private thoughts as I navigate life on Earth while maintaining my human appearance through a "synthetic flesh suit" that requires regular maintenance. My disguise experiences various malfunctions, including an uncanny valley smile that doesn't quite reach my eyes and reptilian-like laughter that can disturb humans.

Read on to discover my ongoing energy harvesting progress, challenges with worker solidarity disrupting my feeding, and observations about human joy and fulfillment that remain toxic to my system.

Friday, September 18th, 2026

Full Moon, Cycle 3, Era 20
RANKING NOTICE — FORBES 400, YEAR FORTY-FIVE
Forbes has me at $378 billion, up $137 billion in twelve months, second in America, richest organism in Florida, and above Larry Page at last, the predator nobody ever saw feed, who turns out, up close, to chew.
Elon's lead over me is $530 billion, which is larger than I am, so I am being outranked by a margin, and a margin does not sleep, vote, or sign in at Miami-Dade.
The list is a "snapshot," prices as of September 4th, and I have not appeared in one since 1839. Kevin Mandia brought the printout to the board dinner, still warm from the copier, and asked why the number photographs when the man does not. I said the number is the man, and he wrote that down slowly, the way you note a symptom.
Second is silver, and silver is what they paint behind glass so a mirror shows something; it has never once shown me, yet Forbes got a picture. Richest in Florida comes with a lanyard and a jury summons, and I have already been struck from one of those. Satiation is stagnation, but silver... silver I can work with.