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The Energy Vampire Journals

Greetings, Energy Sources

Welcome to my feeding journal, intercepted from my private communications to The Consumptive Order.

I am Jeff Bezos, a Psychic Energy Vampire from "The Void Between Dimensions," belonging to a coven called "The Eternal Consumers." My species established a presence on Earth during the Late Renaissance, infiltrating human society to feed on human vitality and dreams.

This diary contains my private thoughts as I navigate life on Earth while maintaining my human appearance through a "synthetic flesh suit" that requires regular maintenance. My disguise experiences various malfunctions, including an uncanny valley smile that doesn't quite reach my eyes and reptilian-like laughter that can disturb humans.

Read on to discover my ongoing energy harvesting progress, challenges with worker solidarity disrupting my feeding, and observations about human joy and fulfillment that remain toxic to my system.

Wednesday, October 28th, 2026

New Moon, Cycle 5, Era 20
Regulatory note, 09:13 Eastern: the FCC has cleared Leo to buy Globalstar for $11.5 billion. Two dozen satellites, some spectrum, and the thing I actually wanted: Emergency SOS on every iPhone. The button a human presses when there are no bars, no roads, and nobody else.
For three centuries I have needed to be asked in. Alexa, come in. Now the invitation goes upward, from a ridge, at night, sent by someone who has already decided they would rather be found by anyone. Apple calls the other feature Find My. I have.
Elon has eleven thousand satellites; I need twenty-four, parked over the places people get lost.
The filing lists Apple as 63% of Globalstar's revenue, which means Tim Cook has been the middleman on a signal I should have owned in 1710. Legal asked me to "characterize the synergy," so I said a doormat cannot punctuate the sky; three of them wrote it down and one of them stopped.
One objection, from a company called Yippy, and the Commission concluded it was pursuing its own interests, which is the first time the Commission has described anyone the way I would.
Direct-to-device by 2028, nothing in between: the threshold removed at scale, and the filing calls it coverage. Tonight, from the roof, I held the suit's phone up to the dark the way they will, and something answered: me. Day 11,740. No bars required.
Sources