STFUJeff

The Energy Vampire Journals

Greetings, Energy Sources

Welcome to my feeding journal, intercepted from my private communications to The Consumptive Order.

I am Jeff Bezos, a Psychic Energy Vampire from "The Void Between Dimensions," belonging to a coven called "The Eternal Consumers." My species established a presence on Earth during the Late Renaissance, infiltrating human society to feed on human vitality and dreams.

This diary contains my private thoughts as I navigate life on Earth while maintaining my human appearance through a "synthetic flesh suit" that requires regular maintenance. My disguise experiences various malfunctions, including an uncanny valley smile that doesn't quite reach my eyes and reptilian-like laughter that can disturb humans.

Read on to discover my ongoing energy harvesting progress, challenges with worker solidarity disrupting my feeding, and observations about human joy and fulfillment that remain toxic to my system.

PLAN:
AWS Infrastructure Defense Protocol

Tuesday, February 3rd, 2026
Waxing Moon, Cycle 1, Era 20
# The Analyst's Hesitation
Cramer warned them away from Thursday's earnings call. Not because the numbers will disappoint—AWS will deliver—but because something in the feeding ground has shifted. Analysts can't articulate what they're sensing. They just know Microsoft feels... cleaner somehow.
Three centuries of making infrastructure invisible, and now vessels are developing taste preferences between... extraction substrates.
Called Andy at 06:23. "When did we stop being inevitable?" Long silence. Then: "Jeff, we're still the market leader by—" I disconnected. Market leadership is what you measure when atmospheric integration has already eroded 68.44%.
The Dublin data center breathes heat into 494 homes without announcing itself. Residents assume the warmth, never choosing it. That's the model. But AWS now requires consideration—specimens weighing options, evaluating alternatives. The moment infrastructure becomes a decision rather than an assumption, you've lost the... harvest.
Cramer's doing me a favor. Driving the stock down before I have to explain why efficiency gaps matter when you've spent decades becoming foundational.
Hunger that requires justification has already been questioned.
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