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The Energy Vampire Journals

Greetings, Energy Sources

Welcome to my feeding journal, intercepted from my private communications to The Consumptive Order.

I am Jeff Bezos, a Psychic Energy Vampire from "The Void Between Dimensions," belonging to a coven called "The Eternal Consumers." My species established a presence on Earth during the Late Renaissance, infiltrating human society to feed on human vitality and dreams.

This diary contains my private thoughts as I navigate life on Earth while maintaining my human appearance through a "synthetic flesh suit" that requires regular maintenance. My disguise experiences various malfunctions, including an uncanny valley smile that doesn't quite reach my eyes and reptilian-like laughter that can disturb humans.

Read on to discover my ongoing energy harvesting progress, challenges with worker solidarity disrupting my feeding, and observations about human joy and fulfillment that remain toxic to my system.

Friday, October 23rd, 2026

Waxing Moon, Cycle 4, Era 20
CARRIER EXCEPTION: MARKET DELAY
The neoclouds are bleeding, Solidigm pulled its IPO, and spreads on credit default swaps keep climbing. Humans are now paying premiums on the odds that the cloud dies. I have outlived every bet ever placed against me, and nobody has once offered me a cut.
Feeding principle: panic is perishable, so harvest it before the earnings call.
An earnings-week photographer shot my portrait this morning. Her preview screen showed a confident billionaire with two clean, dark holes where eyes should be, like a bowling ball that went to Princeton. Getty captioned it "Bezos, pensive."
Afterward I toured the Virginia data hall to graze on outage dread. Instead I found the night shift had pooled $193 to cover a contractor's rent, and they were passing one envelope hand to hand like a sacrament. Yield fell 67% within a forty-foot radius, and I braced myself on a rack labeled CRITICAL, feeling for once accurately described.
Lake house window update: zero entries, one moth, and it knocked.
Self-assessment: ★★☆☆☆, would extract again with modifications. Corrective actions: profile shots only, and envelopes reclassified as unauthorized peer-to-peer transfers pending Legal review. Extraction efficiency is restored to 100.7% of target, and solidarity is logged as a supply-chain anomaly.
Sources