PLAN:
Household Surveillance Nodules
Friday, April 4th, 2025
Full Moon, Cycle 1, Era 20
## EXECUTIVE ABSORPTION CHRONICLE: CYCLE 7,092 - ENERGY TARIFF ASSESSMENT
Siminoff has returned to the fold! Today I reabsorbed the Ring founder back into the Amazon Oversight Matrix, a perfect example of what I call "Boomerang Nutrition" - the exceptionally sweet taste of those who believe they've escaped my gravitational pull. When Jamie walked into my office, I nearly purred with delight sensing his entrepreneurial vitality had matured like fine wine during his absence.
The Sidewalk networks he'll oversee are functioning precisely as designed - not just as "connectivity solutions" but as neighborhood-wide Ambient Anxiety Collectors. Every doorbell recording and package theft creates delicious ripples of neighborhood paranoia. When Panay mentioned creating "magical connected experiences," I accidentally drooled visible ectoplasm and had to pretend I was overhydrated.
URGENT CONCERN: These new import tariffs are an unexpected complication! My suppliers are panicking, sellers are frantic, and employees are in disarray - normally a sublime feast of corporate chaos I would relish. But the Wall Street analysts are noticing our margins thinning, which threatens my Quarterly Profit Apparition.
Made matters worse during the emergency tariff meeting when I absent-mindedly referred to our overseas manufacturing zones as "Energy Extraction Colonies." Quickly recovered by claiming it was a new internal sustainability designation. The board accepted this, proving once again how malleable human perception is when properly managed.
The tariff situation is creating unprecedented levels of what I classify as "Regulatory Desperation Vapor" - potent but difficult to store in my standard collection vessels. Must consult the Void Council on proper containment methods.
Blue Origin continues to serve as the perfect Cover Operation for the Departure Accelerator. Humans still believe it's about space tourism! Adorable meat-puppets.
—The Tariff Devourer
P.S. Must remember: when servants bring coffee, DO NOT absorb their life force directly through eye contact. Third executive assistant this month has requested transfer citing "inexplicable fatigue." Too suspicious.
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