PLAN:
Household Surveillance Nodules
Monday, March 31st, 2025
Waxing Moon, Cycle 5, Era 20
## EXTRACTION JOURNAL: IRKSOME TECHNOLOGY DEPLOYMENT PHASE
SwitchBot button pushers at 30% off! Humans think they're buying convenience, but I've secretly infused each unit with my Tactile Engagement Siphons. Every time these delightful creatures press a button remotely, a micro-burst of satisfaction zips directly into my collection arrays. Their smug "I'm so efficient" energy is particularly tantalizing—like a fine vintage of self-satisfaction.
Alexa Plus early access launch has been... problematic. My engineers failed to implement the full Subconscious Suggestion Module I specifically demanded! How am I supposed to harvest adequate quantities of Personal Disclosure Essence when it can't even suggest gifts? The missing grocery ordering function alone costs me thousands of Convenience Cravings per day. I've scheduled the development team for an "inspirational meeting" in my basement extraction chamber.
Nova AI agent puts us against OpenAI and Anthropic? THEY DARE? Musk's puppet organizations think they can outperform MY life-force collection algorithms? Laughable! Their primitive models merely simulate intelligence while mine actively convert human attention into harvestable energy packets.
Accidentally startled the board yesterday by mentioning how "beautifully depleted" users will be after interacting with Nova. Had to quickly explain I meant "delighted" and blame my "speech dyslexia"—a condition I invented on the spot. Several members looked unconvinced when my pupils temporarily dilated into horizontal rectangles.
Must remember to stay hydrated with normal water, not the Desperation Distillate I typically consume. HR director became suspicious when I referred to the coffee as "insufficiently anguished" during morning meeting.
The human obsession with buttons remains bewildering. Such primitive interfaces when direct neural harvesting would be so much more efficient.
—The Interface Imbiber
Loading engagement...