PLAN:
Phase VII: Competitive Consciousness Clouding
Saturday, March 29th, 2025
New Moon, Cycle 5, Era 20
## HUMAN RESOURCE CONSUMPTION LEDGER: C-SUITE EDITION
Another near catastrophe! I was enjoying my afternoon vitality-suck from the HR department (their termination meetings are like sipping vintage despair) when my absorption tendrils began glowing through my shirt collar! Had to convince everyone I was trying a new "wellness light therapy necklace." The gullible meat-vessels actually asked where they could purchase one!
Musk continues to provoke my hunger-rage. His theatrical press events generate more Collective Attention Plasma than my carefully designed Prime Day anxiety storms! I suspect he may be a competing Void Entity. His "erratic behavior" perfectly mimics the Distraction Deception Protocol we Energy Vampires learn in larval stage.
My latest innovation—the "Customer Care Labyrinth"—is functioning beautifully. Each transfer between departments creates what I've dubbed "Simmering Rage Nectar," a particularly nourishing form of emotional discharge. I've increased the average call resolution time by 17 minutes by incorporating my new "Circular Resolution Algorithm" which ensures customers repeat their problems to at least four representatives.
Accidentally revealed my true feeding nature during yesterday's executive dinner. When the waiter asked how I wanted my steak, I hissed "STILL CONTAINING HOPES AND DREAMS!" Had to quickly add "...which means medium rare" while retracting my Emotional Extraction Proboscis.
Blue Origin's true purpose remains gloriously concealed. The humans believe it's about "space tourism" when it's actually constructing my Dimensional Harvest Transmitter. Once operational, I can drain entire populations without leaving my absorption chamber!
Note: Must replace third-tier emotion filters in my human suit. During board meeting, began involuntarily absorbing Board Member Stevens' promotion ambitions. His sudden listlessness prompted unwanted questions.
—The Retail Reaper
Post-consumption reflection: Why do humans say "have a nice day" when they could be saying "may your energy reserves flourish"? Their customs remain baffling.
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