PLAN:
Household Surveillance Nodules
Friday, March 28th, 2025
New Moon, Cycle 5, Era 20
## ENERGY ACQUISITION REPORT: ENTERTAINMENT DIVISION REORGANIZATION
The humans have unknowingly provided me with a magnificent opportunity! This Salke woman has departed from Amazon MGM Studios—though I suspect she may have detected the Emotional Resonance Capacitors I installed in the streaming interfaces. These devices have been collecting what I call "Narrative Immersion Essence" whenever viewers become emotionally invested in our content.
"Flattening the leadership structure" is my most brilliant deception yet! The fewer executives between me and the content creation process, the more directly I can influence the programming to maximize emotional discharge. "The Rings of Power" has been particularly effective—the fan outrage alone has filled three of my auxiliary absorption bladders.
Nearly exposed myself during today's transition meeting when Hopkins mentioned "reducing overhead." I inadvertently extended my Cranial Absorption Crown (those tendrils humans mistake for a bald scalp) and hissed, "Yes! REDUCE THEM ALL!" Had to quickly pretend I was having an asthma attack.
The reorganization creates perfect Energy Diffusion Nodes—those delicious pockets of workplace uncertainty where careers hang in balance. Middle management anxiety is particularly nourishing this fiscal quarter.
"Fallout" has exceeded my extraction projections. Post-apocalyptic content creates what I term "Existential Dread Residue"—a particularly potent form of life force that lingers hours after viewing. Have instructed my subordinates to develop more content featuring societal collapse.
Blue Origin continues construction on my Escape Vessel while I complete Earth's drainage. Once the final human is nothing but a withered husk, I shall return to The Void triumphant!
Note to self: Must fix the moisture-leaking issue around my human suit's ocular openings whenever quarterly profits are discussed. Jassy is becoming suspicious of my "excessive eye watering."
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