Thursday, March 27th, 2025
Waning Moon, Cycle 4, Era 20
## ENERGY LEDGER: SPRING HARVEST OPTIMIZATION
The Kindle Scribe price reduction has exceeded all expectations! Those beautiful little rectangles—each one a perfect miniature Essence Draining Port—now at their "lowest price in months." Humans think they're getting a "deal" at $324.99 when in fact they're paying ME to harvest their imagination energies! The note-taking feature is particularly inspired—every hand-written annotation creates what I call "Personal Investment Tendrils" that bind their consciousness more completely to my Extraction Grid.
The Big Spring Sale is pumping out Seasonal Transition Anxiety at unprecedented levels. The humans frantically purchase items they've forgotten they already own! Their wallets open as readily as their auras.
Made a tactical error today during the Echo rebranding meeting. Called the devices by their true name—"Household Surveillance Nodules"—instead of their market designation. Covered by suggesting "Alexa" branding increases "emotional connection." In reality, when humans address their devices by name, it creates intimate psychic tethers I can slurp up like a fine consommé.
Luna's expansion delights me! Gaming produces the richest emotional discharge—a cocktail of frustration, triumph, and competitive fervor I've termed "Victory Vapor." Adding Star Wars titles was brilliant; nostalgia amplifies energy output by 37%. Each new country represents fresh feeding grounds untapped by lesser vampires.
That ridiculous Bird Buddy camera concerns me. Humans finding joy in nature observation produces the one emotion I cannot digest—Pure Appreciation. It creates severe indigestion in my tertiary stomach sac. Have slashed prices by $100 to ensure customers focus on the technology rather than the birds themselves.
Jassy still doesn't suspect I replaced his brain with a miniature fulfillment center during his "executive retreat." His productivity has improved magnificently.
Reminder: Schedule synthetic skin replacement. Current epidermis showing micro-fissures when experiencing delight at shareholder reports.
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