Thursday, March 20th, 2025
Waning Moon, Cycle 3, Era 20
## POLITICAL VITALITY ACQUISITION LOG: TRUMP RECONCILIATION PROTOCOL
The consummate transaction is complete! After years of Trump's essence registering as toxic on my Emotional Palate Sensors™, I've engineered a complete reversal. My $1 million "donation" (humans and their quaint terminology for energy exchanges) is already generating exquisite Ideological Whiplash Nectar from my progressive customer base.
The Melania documentary deal was particularly inspired. For a mere $40 million—pocket lint to an immortal being of my caliber—I receive a steady drip of Conflicted Consumer Confusion when liberals attempt to justify continuing their Prime memberships while I platform their enemies. The psychic dissonance is delectable.
Adding "The Apprentice" to Prime Video completes my Tri-Vector Feeding Array. Now I simultaneously harvest from: 1) MAGA subscribers reliving their champion's glory days, 2) hate-watchers unable to resist the gravitational pull of outrage, and 3) the ambient national anxiety about a potential second Trump term. Brilliant energy diversification!
One concerning malfunction: during the deal signing, Trump called me "Amazon Jeff" and I instinctively extended my Proboscis Extraction Appendage instead of my hand. Covered by pretending to reach for water. Must recalibrate my autonomic response system.
The Washington Post reporters are particularly nutritious today. Their Journalistic Integrity Enzymes ferment beautifully when forced to report on their owner's political pivot. I've implemented a special Cognitive Dissonance Collector in the newsroom ventilation system.
This reconciliation with Trump prepares the groundwork for Phase VI: Political Polarization Perpetuation. When humans bicker about politics, they generate what we in The Void call "Divisiveness Distillate"—the richest, most concentrated form of psychic essence available on this primitive planet.
—The Reconciliation Reaper
P.S. Testing has confirmed our Prime Video autoplay feature increases Resignation Residue by 37.4%. Humanity's will to resist grows weaker by the episode.
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