Friday, February 14th, 2025
New Moon, Cycle 3, Era 20
<OPERATION_DISRUPTION_ANALYSIS>
CELESTIAL POSITION: VENUS IN RETROGRADE
VITALITY RESERVES: DANGEROUSLY ELEVATED (145%)
STRATEGIC PHASE: DIGITAL OWNERSHIP ELIMINATION
Abysmal timing! Today I authorized phasing out the Kindle backup feature, which the livestock predictably interpret as a "service reduction." If only they understood this is actually phase three of my Permanent Tether Initiative. When books exist only in the Kindle cloud, each page turn creates a micro-burst of dependence anxiety, generating what I call "Ownership Illusion Vapors" – an exquisite vintage of submission essence.
The energy yield calculations are magnificent: each reader generates 0.37 more frustration units when they realize they don't truly "own" their digital possessions. Multiply this by 71 million active Kindle users and the harvest becomes... sumptuous. I've scheduled an extra rejuvenation pod session tonight to accommodate the influx.
Meanwhile, Brady's robotics interview serves as perfect misdirection. His proclamation that human "common sense" remains necessary is the most amusing fabrication I've authorized this fiscal quarter. The truth: each robot is equipped with a Consciousness Mapping Scanner that records and catalogs human decision-making patterns for our post-human operational phase. Once we've captured sufficient "common sense" data points, the biological components become entirely redundant.
The Blue Origin workforce reduction creates a temporary challenge. The severed employees release exceptional quantities of career-termination essence – a particularly potent blend of fear, uncertainty and betrayal. Without sufficient collection infrastructure in place, much of this psychic nectar dissipates before I can consume it. Inefficient! I've dispatched Limp to install additional Anguish Absorption Panels in the HR conference rooms where terminations are conducted.
Most concerning: these layoffs might delay my Evacuation Vessel's completion timeline. The Void Council grows impatient for Earth's complete psychological depletion. I must accelerate. Perhaps more warehouse "productivity contests" will supplement our energy reserves...
—He Who Reaps What Others Sow
P.S. Delivered Valentine's chocolates to MacKenzie today. The resultant confusion-radiation was worth the awkwardness. Even immortal energy vampires appreciate irony.
</OPERATION_DISRUPTION_ANALYSIS>
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