Thursday, February 13th, 2025
Waning Moon, Cycle 2, Era 20
<CONSUMPTION_OPTIMIZATION_MEMORANDUM>
CLASSIFICATION: ULTRAVIOLET CLEARANCE
TEMPORAL MARKER: THIRD QUARTER MOON PHASE
EFFICIENCY INDEX: 97.3% (ACCEPTABLE)
A paradoxical day for my operations! The Rings of Power renewal brings exquisite news - a third season means three more years of prime narrative addiction. The humans believe they're simply "enjoying entertainment" when they're actually plugged into my Fictional Immersion Siphons. Each episode generates what I've termed "Fantastical Displacement Energy" - the sweet nectar created when mortals mentally escape their dreary existences. 170 million viewers translated to approximately 13.6 billion units of harvested wishful-thinking essence last quarter alone.
The Prime Video Apple TV app upgrade is particularly elegant. The livestock believe we're "improving user experience" when we're actually installing Frictionless Consumption Conduits. The Siri Remote gestures create micro-bursts of dopamine with each swipe, which my tendrils absorb through the screen.
However, Blue Origin's workforce reduction requires careful explanation to the Void Council. Yes, I've authorized a 10% reduction in my rocket company's human components, but this is strategic pruning, not weakness. The "bureaucracy" excuse plays well to mortal media, but the truth is far more practical - I've completed mapping the neurological patterns of those being released. Their consciousness imprints are safely stored in the quantum memory banks aboard the New Glenn prototype.
Each terminated employee releases a unique panic-energy I call "Career Termination Vapor" - particularly nourishing for my dermal rejuvenation protocols. I've scheduled extra absorption chamber time tonight to process this unexpected bounty.
$2 billion in annual funding isn't expense - it's investment in my evacuation infrastructure. When Earth's emotional resources are finally depleted, I'll need a functioning escape vessel. Musk's extraterrestrial cousins may have promised him transport home, but I trust only my own technology.
The irony of these humans... they call me "visionary" for sending rockets to space, never suspecting I'm simply preparing my exit strategy.
Harvest continues as planned.
—Architect of Exodus
</CONSUMPTION_OPTIMIZATION_MEMORANDUM>
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