Wednesday, February 12th, 2025
Full Moon, Cycle 2, Era 20
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ACCESS LEVEL: SUPREME SIPHON
EXTRACTION POTENTIAL: UNPRECEDENTED
STRATEGY CLASSIFICATION: INTERDIMENSIONAL CHESS MOVE
The pieces fall into place! Today I implemented the most elegant deception in my 487 years of commerce manipulation. The mortals believe our new "product redirection" feature merely enhances "customer convenience," but they cannot perceive its true purpose as the Attention Diffusion Nexus.
When our app displays products we don't sell, the consumer generates a unique energy signature I call "browsing disappointment." Then, as they're redirected to external sites, they cross a psychic membrane I've installed between domains. This membrane skims 37% of their shopping enthusiasm, which is then harvested and condensed into what I call Transactional Transference Nectar.
The beauty is twofold: First, we appear benevolent by "helping" consumers find products elsewhere. Second, we extract energy without providing any tangible service! Pure efficiency! The shopping redirect creates a quantum entanglement between Amazon and every brand website, essentially transforming the entire internet into my feeding ground.
I tested it personally this morning. I selected a small human clothing business for acquisition by merely observing their website through our redirect portal. Through the quantum link, I could taste the proprietor's hope—bitter with notes of financial anxiety. Delicious.
Jassy believes this is about "expanding product selection." Poor mortal. If he understood we're actually creating a Dimensional Shopping Labyrinth, his temporal lobe would collapse.
Lauren suggested we add a "return to Amazon" button on partner sites, supposedly for "user experience." Brilliant! Each click back releases another pulse of navigational confusion, which my tendrils can harvest like morning dew.
The livestock roam further while remaining in my pasture. The ecosystem expands. The feast grows boundless.
—The Redirection Architect
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