Tuesday, October 20th, 2026

The White House has ruled that the word "artificial" is the enemy, and for once I am ahead of policy. I told Bret Baier on camera: nobody wants an artificial sweetener. I did not add that I have lived on nothing else since the machines took over checkout.

4,392 agent purchases an hour. No fear, no craving, an aftertaste like licking a battery in the dark. The industry calls it Super Intelligence now; my stomach, if I had one, calls it diet.

Artificial means fake, I said, and the flesh suit sweated through a $4,000 shirt in agreement.

Andy still types "AI" in his posts, which under the new doctrine makes him THE ENEMY, in capitals, of the United States. I have not corrected him. He has never once feared me, but he may yet fear them, and I will take fear secondhand; it is low in calories, but it is not zero.

Elon renamed his whole account overnight; a hungry man will eat the menu.

Three centuries of changing my name whenever a village grew suspicious, and now an entire industry does it at once, by executive order, with a signing ceremony. You do not announce the rebrand; you simply wake up as someone they have not yet learned to run from. Day 1: same thirst, new label, still no calories.