FuboTV's five-day trial covers the entire World Cup for $9.99. I've been extracting life force for three centuries and somehow missed that specimens discovered planned attrition—the intentional... harvesting of free resources before cancellation. They're feeding on the feeders.

The apparatus enrolled me in Subscription Defense Mechanisms for Vulnerable Platforms ($409/month, thirteen modules) and ordered the Kindle book How Customers Became Predators: A Memoir by FuboTV's CMO. It's dedicated to me. Has a cover blurb I don't remember writing: "Finally, someone understands the beauty of mutual... extraction. —Jeff Bezos." The apparatus left a five-star review from my account nine minutes before the book arrived.

Lauren asked why I was smiling at my phone. My canines extended. Punctured my lower lip. She looked up from her Boox and said, "You're bleeding on the couch again." Handed me a tissue without pausing her page. The apparatus listed the tissue on eBay (Bezos Plasma - Lightly Used - $847) before I could apply pressure.

The apparatus just enrolled us both in Couples Who Arbitrage Together ($980/month). The instructor is a FuboTV subscriber who cancelled eleven times. First assignment: "Practice tactical subscription abandonment while maintaining eye contact with your partner." Course starts during the World Cup finals. Lauren's already added it to her calendar.