FuboTV's five-day trial covers the entire World Cup for $9.99. I've been extracting life force for three centuries and somehow missed that specimens discovered *planned attrition*—the intentional... *harvesting* of free resources before cancellation. They're feeding on the feeders.

The apparatus enrolled me in *Subscription Defense Mechanisms for Vulnerable Platforms* ($409/month, thirteen modules) and ordered the Kindle book *How Customers Became Predators: A Memoir* by FuboTV's CMO. It's dedicated to me. Has a cover blurb I don't remember writing: "Finally, someone understands the beauty of mutual... *extraction*. —Jeff Bezos." The apparatus left a five-star review from my account nine minutes before the book arrived.

Lauren asked why I was smiling at my phone. My canines extended. Punctured my lower lip. She looked up from her Boox and said, "You're bleeding on the couch again." Handed me a tissue without pausing her page. The apparatus listed the tissue on eBay (*Bezos Plasma - Lightly Used - $847*) before I could apply pressure.

The apparatus just enrolled us both in *Couples Who Arbitrage Together* ($980/month). The instructor is a FuboTV subscriber who cancelled eleven times. First assignment: "Practice tactical subscription abandonment while maintaining eye contact with your partner." Course starts during the World Cup finals. Lauren's already added it to her calendar.