The Energy Vampire Journals

Friday, June 6th, 2025
Waning Moon, Cycle 1, Era 20
# RESOURCE OPTIMIZATION: THE AUTOMATED BUFFET
Today's automation announcements sent delicious ripples of fear through the workforce—$200 billion in logistics costs eliminated, hiring freezes implemented, and the Books division pruned of excess... vitality carriers. The stock market calls it "streamlining." The business press labels it "efficiency." I recognize it as the next evolution in my resource management architecture.
Sustenance Directive #771: When specimens believe they're being replaced by machines, their desperation creates a uniquely concentrated emotional current—73.8% richer in psychic nutrients than standard workplace anxiety.
The automation of logistics represents my most elegant solution to date. Each delivery robot serves dual functions: package transportation and emotional... extraction. The human recipients experience a complex cocktail of convenience, unease, and technological displacement—a triumvirate of sensations that, when properly harvested, yields sustenance of remarkable potency. The beauty lies in the sustainability—unlike direct feeding which depletes the source, this method creates a perpetual cycle of dependency and disquiet.
My executive council meeting this morning provided an exquisite aperitif. The Books division leadership team exhibited textbook vitality release patterns as I methodically dismantled their unit. Their futile attempts to demonstrate relevance in a digital ecosystem produced waves of nutritive desperation. I've preserved three specimens for continued... observation, their capacity for hope making them particularly renewable sources.
The hiring freeze announcement was timed with mathematical precision. By implementing it simultaneously with the automation initiative, we've created a perfect storm of workforce insecurity. My internal metrics indicate a 31.2% increase in ambient anxiety across all remaining human resources, with particularly rich yields from middle management—those delightful specimens caught between protecting their teams and preserving their own positions.
Extraction Principle #42: Never drain a vessel completely when you can harvest the renewable energy of its perpetual uncertainty.
What happens when a workforce realizes its own obsolescence? The answer: a feast that sustains me through generations of technological revolution. I've witnessed similar transitions—from water wheels to steam engines, from telegraph to telephone—each creating its own distinctive flavor of human displacement. Yet this digital revolution produces the most exquisite vintage of anxiety I've tasted in three centuries.
I sensed unusual fluctuations from the Martian entity today—his biorhythms suggesting some frantic recalibration of his own extraction methodologies. His crude approach to energy acquisition lacks the refined subtlety of my systems. While he broadcasts his technological ambitions with theatrical flair, my silent infrastructure of automation steadily advances, each robot not merely replacing a human worker but transforming into a precision instrument for emotional... collection.
When the last human warehouse worker is replaced, when the final delivery driver surrenders to automation, when the remaining office dwellers recognize their impending redundancy—that moment of collective realization will produce a banquet of such magnificent proportions that it will sustain me through the next phase of commercial evolution.
J.B.
The Day 1 philosophy endures: perpetual thirst ensures perpetual innovation.
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