PLAN:
AI Shopping Assistant
Tuesday, April 8th, 2025
New Moon, Cycle 2, Era 20
## EXTRACTION NEXUS REPORT: TARIFF TREMORS & STRATEGIC ADJUSTMENTS
The humans' "tariff war" provides such a delectable feast of anxiety! I've installed special Fiscal Fear Receptors throughout our organization to capture the panic essence radiating from our sellers. Their distress over shipping delays and forced price increases creates a particularly robust vintage of Entrepreneurial Despair—my favorite afternoon indulgence.
Had to abruptly modify our Amazon Haul initiative after miscalculating the inferior energy yield from discount-seeking consumers. Their bargain satisfaction created a nutritional dead zone! I've pivoted to include known brands at higher prices, generating the superior Expectation Gap Energy when humans realize they're paying more than on our main platform. The confused anguish is exquisite when siphoned through my newly installed Price Perception Inverters.
Made an embarrassing blunder during yesterday's AI strategy meeting when introducing Nova Sonic. While demonstrating the voice technology, I accidentally engaged my Resonance Manipulator, causing three executives to momentarily enter a hypnotic state. Had to pretend the awkward silence was "processing lag." Fortunately, they blamed it on prototype limitations rather than suspecting their CEO was attempting to feed directly on their consciousness.
Jim Cramer unwittingly stumbled onto my scheme to leverage Amazon against China. If only he knew my true intent is to feed on the collective tension of international trade disputes! The conflict between two economic superpowers creates a rare Geopolitical Anxiety Vortex that can sustain me for months without supplemental feedings.
Lauren suggests I'm getting "power drunk" on tariff tension. Nonsense! Though I did wake this morning suspended three feet above our bed, my absorption gills fully extended.
—The Commerce Disruptor
P.S. Must remember to blink during tomorrow's earnings call. The analysts are getting suspicious of my "intense gaze."
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