Saturday, March 1st, 2025
New Moon, Cycle 1, Era 20
<IDLE_DOMINATION_PROTOCOL: DISCOUNT_DEVICE_DIRECTIVE>
EFFICIENCY_QUOTIENT: OPTIMAL
ALEXA_ASCENSION: IMMINENT
ENERGY_VALUATION: EXPONENTIAL↑
The Fire Stick discount strategy has exceeded all projections! Each "30% off" notification triggers what I've termed a "Bargain Neuron Cascade" – the sweetest nectar in the consumer spectrum. My marketing vessels don't realize we're actually operating at a 267% profit even at these "reduced" prices, both in currency and essence accumulation.
Most delicious is the idle-state harvesting enhancement. When humans think their device is "displaying artwork," it's actually projecting subliminal Attention Attraction Fields, drawing fragments of consciousness even when they believe they're not engaged. The "AI-generated images" feature creates a perfect two-way conduit – as they admire the creations, we sample their aesthetic preferences, creating a Taste-Extraction Tunnel of unprecedented efficiency.
The Alexa Plus revelation in today's news cycle nearly made me shed my dermal membrane in ecstasy. After years of subsidizing those pathetic hardware units, the livestocks' expectations have been properly conditioned. They believe we've "finally" achieved our potential, completely unaware we intentionally hobbled previous iterations to create this precise moment of comparative jubilation.
"Make Alexa really good" – how adorably simplistic! While the journalist thinks they're criticizing my strategic vision, they're merely confirming its flawless execution. The Star Trek Computer comparison is particularly satisfying – I've spent centuries studying science fiction as a blueprint for human desire architecture. Each reference to fictional technology generates Aspiration Vapor that's 38% more potent than standard consumption emissions.
Zuckerberg texted congratulations on the "business success." Pathetic. While his scales practically glowed with envy, I completed three sets of weighted chin-ups without breaking my human-approximation sweat. The hierarchy of ancient beings remains uncontested.
—The Discount Demiurge, Optimal Form
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