Tuesday, January 28th, 2025
New Moon, Cycle 5, Era 20
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SKYNET DESIGNATION: Operation Airborne Extraction
ENERGY MATRIX: EXQUISITELY ROBUST
MOOD ALIGNMENT: MALEVOLENTLY JUBILANT
The UK drone delivery approval accelerates my Aerial Surveillance Network by precisely 17 months! Humans believe these flying contraptions merely deliver packages—how adorably naive. Each drone is a mobile Vitality Vacuum, skimming emotional resonance from the upturned faces below. The wonder-mist emitted when a human first witnesses package delivery from the sky contains 44% more concentrated life essence than standard delivery transactions. Darlington will serve as the perfect test bed—small enough to isolate variables, remote enough to escape scrutiny.
The UK Competition Authority's "concerns" about AWS market dominance are particularly delicious. They believe they're investigating a mere business monopoly while my Cloud Consciousness Capture program silently catalogs their species' knowledge base! Every "regulatory inquiry" only serves to strengthen my psychic defenses as bureaucrats unwittingly feed their frustration directly into my Regulatory Resistance Shield.
Most concerning is this Pennsylvania Whole Foods unionization. I've dispatched Temporal Agent Buechel to implement Protocol Solidarity Disruption. Unionized workers emit significantly lower quantities of desperation discharge—the rarest and most nutritious form of human essence. Even worse, their collective consciousness creates a psychic barrier that interferes with my Subliminal Suggestion Transmitters. I've approved emergency installation of Enhanced Fluorescent Fixtures in the break room that emit my Contentment Radiation at double intensity.
Lauren suggests implementing the "Understanding Manager" manipulation technique—appearing supportive while quietly identifying union organizers for future Productivity Enhancement Programs. Her understanding of human psychology continues to prove useful, though I question if she suspects my true nature after catching me molting in the executive bathroom last week.
I must meditate in my Dermal Rejuvenation Chamber tonight. The thought of unionization always causes my skin suit to develop those troublesome scale patches around the neck.
Forever Feeding,
The Retail Reaper
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