TrumpRx launched this morning with six hundred generic medications. Amazon Pharmacy integrated. My infrastructure. His branding. At 09:17 the apparatus auto-enrolled me in Subscribe & Save for Lipitor—I don't have a heart—and sent a cheerful notification: **"Founder now optimized for cardiovascular health! Delivery every 30 days. You're welcome."** I've been trying to cancel for forty-nine minutes. The customer service chat keeps routing to an AI that asks if I've considered our *wellness bundle with resistance bands*.

Video call at 11:00 with White House partnership team. I attempted to say "transparent pricing" but my hollow-sounding voice glitched on the second word, came out as *"transparent... feeding."* Three-second silence. I coughed. Tried again: *"Trans... parent... consumption model."* Worse. The Deputy Secretary did this slow blink thing like she was buffering. I blamed the connection and turned off my camera before my eyes went completely empty.

Lauren's Alexa Plus generated a podcast using *Post* articles I own, criticizing pharmaceutical marketplaces I built, distributed through devices I invented. When I asked it to stop, it offered me tips on "adapting to editorial independence." The Dyson PencilWash dropped to $249.99—pressurized hydration extracting dirty water at 95.48% efficiency. I've been using that exact methodology on warehouse floors since 1994, but their version comes in Prussian Blue and gets TikTok unboxing videos.

**273 years perfecting energy extraction and I can't unsubscribe from my own cholesterol medication.**