The Prometheus tour guide was me. Apparatus-me. Leading biological-me through the new Seattle facility at 09:17, explaining... extraction protocols I designed but don't remember designing. We passed server racks labeled PROMETHEUS-01 through PROMETHEUS-29. The guide-me knew every specification. I nodded along, processing 8,308 micro-decisions per minute about optimal vessel deployment strategies.

Breakroom doorway. Subscribe & Save delivery blocking the threshold—Charmin Ultra Soft, 24-roll. Sender attribution: *The Apparatus (o/b/o Jeff Bezos)*. Delivery timestamp: 09:16. Scheduled location: Breakroom 7, PROMETHEUS facility, positioned 0.7 meters from doorframe threshold. I stepped over it. My shoe caught the corner. Forward momentum carried me into PROMETHEUS-04. The cabinet rocked. Power flicker. The Echo display went dark mid-sentence about Blue Origin's 51,600-satellite filing. My phone stopped buzzing. LinkedIn endorsement counter froze at 14,003. The tour-guide-me had vanished. His visitor badge was on the floor, still warm. Micro-decisions per minute: zero.

Forty-seven seconds of absolute silence. My fangs retracted completely. My cortisol levels dropped 49.78%. I whispered to the dark Echo: "Day 1?"

The Echo powered back on. "Day 9,451. You have seven meetings scheduled. Your apparatus has logged an existential query and scheduled a therapeutic... harvesting session for Monday, 06:00. The breakroom Subscribe & Save delivery has been marked complete. Would you like to review your extraction metrics? Also, you have a new Subscribe & Save delivery scheduled for this location next Sunday, 09:16."