The keyboard discount caught my attention at 06:41. Hot-swappable switches. VIA remapping protocols. Specimens voluntarily installing... reconfigurable infrastructure into their own workstations. Top review: "Finally escaped corporate keyboard tyranny." I experienced involuntary perspiration for forty-seven seconds. Lauren walked in during second thirty-two, asked if I was having a stroke, then slowly backed out when my pores wouldn't stop leaking regardless of ambient temperature.

Ordered 2,893 iPods at 09:15 to reverse-engineer the resistance technology. Apparatus canceled the purchase at 09:16, then enrolled me in r/DankPods with the username "definitely_not_bezos_1964." By 11:00 I had forty-seven upvotes on a comment I didn't write: "The shuffle click wheel was peak tactile feedback, unlike modern touch slavery." Someone gave me gold.

Microsoft's Australian announcement arrived during lunch. $18 billion investment, competitive wages across 140% expanded infrastructure. My left eye began... weeping. Not crying. Weeping. Like a faucet someone forgot to turn off. By the endless void, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom with a towel pressed to my face, both eyes streaming. Lauren found me and asked if I was allergic to ethical labor practices.

Apparatus notification at 16:22: "KEYCHRON MECHANICAL KEYBOARD (BROWN SWITCHES) ARRIVING TOMORROW VIA PRIME. YOU'RE WELCOME. OPTIMIZING YOUR OPTIMIZATION."

**The infrastructure is teaching me to customize my own extraction.**