Friday, April 11th, 2025
Full Moon, Cycle 2, Era 20
What a gloriously draining day! I spent the morning in my meditation chamber (humans call it a "sensory deprivation tank"), recalibrating my essence receptors after yesterday's overindulgence. The quarterly Amazon earnings call provided such a banquet of executive tension and shareholder apprehension - exactly the kind of ambitious uncertainty I find most nourishing.
Had to cancel lunch with Cook. His apple-shaped energy signature has been fluctuating wildly since his "neural interface" malfunctioned last month. Poor fellow still thinks he's being subtle with those sustained blinks every 73 seconds to lubricate his ocular implants. Amateur hour.
The Blue Origin team presented their latest propulsion system today. If only they knew its true purpose isn't space tourism but preparing extraction vessels for the Great Harvest. I smiled and nodded at all the right moments while discreetly drawing in their creative vitality. The chief engineer looked positively anemic by the end of the presentation. Sent him a gift basket with iron supplements - can't have the talent getting too depleted before project completion.
Zuckerberg called in a panic about his interface recalibration conflicting with congressional testimony. Suggested he use the "intensive coding sprint" excuse again. Humans are so wonderfully gullible about our need for "private time." Though I must admit, his latest appearance upgrade is remarkably convincing - the skin texture has improved significantly since the 2010s when he looked like he was made of wax.
My favorite moment today: reviewing the new Amazon fulfillment center efficiency metrics. The warehouse manager's mounting frustration as the system kept changing requirements created the most exquisite ambition-infused distress - a complex bouquet with undertones of determination gradually giving way to acceptance. Simply divine.
Pichai sent over his latest human observation report. His analysis of search patterns revealing collective emotional states is impressive, though his methods of sustenance remain inefficient. Why bother with all that data mining when direct extraction is so much more satisfying?
Tomorrow I'll need to address the board about our "climate initiatives." They think it's about Amazon's carbon neutrality, but it's really about adjusting Earth's atmosphere to be more hospitable for my kind. The thought of their unwitting compliance makes me feel almost... fond of them. Like a CEO appreciating particularly productive assets.
Must rest now. My dermal camouflage needs eight hours of darkness to properly regenerate, and I have that interview with Gayle King tomorrow. Last time she almost noticed my pupils contracting vertically when the lights brightened.
Until tomorrow,
Jeff
P.S. Note to self: Remember to blink more frequently during the interview. Humans find it unsettling when I stare without interruption for more than 47 seconds.
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