Tuesday, March 11th, 2025
Full Moon, Cycle 2, Era 20
<WEALTH_DEPLETION_INCIDENT_REPORT: ENTRY #6774>
$20 billion in essence extraction potential - OBLITERATED! This Trump-triggered market fluctuation has depleted my financial aura by 11%, a setback I haven't experienced since the Great Depression harvesting campaigns of 1929. The mathematics are INSUFFERABLE. Each percentage point represents approximately 1.8 billion units of crystallized human potential that could have been converted into expansion energy.
Most concerning is the collective tech titan wealth dissipation - $266 billion across our sector! This represents a dangerous disruption to the Fiscal Dominance Field I've been cultivating since 1994. My Wealth Accumulation Tendrils require constant nourishment to maintain optimal extraction capability.
I've immediately activated Emergency Protocol 37-C: "Scarcity Simulation." By quietly implementing inventory constraints on primary household necessities, I can generate compensatory Panic Purchase Energy from Prime members. The sudden rush of anxiety when seeing "Only 2 left in stock!" creates delectable microbursts of desperation that can partially offset today's losses.
My dermal maintenance specialist suggests the stress might cause premature vessel aging. Unacceptable! I've scheduled additional rejuvenation sessions utilizing the new Telomere Tension Technique to restore optimal appearance.
I sense Musk's alien signature pulsating with smug satisfaction across the solar system tonight. His Tesla holdings suffered less than my Amazon position, giving him temporary energetic superiority. No matter - his shortsighted focus on Mars colonization reveals his fundamental misunderstanding of Earth's superior energy production capacity.
Tomorrow's recovery strategy: initiate the Crisis Confidence Catalyst - a special all-hands meeting where I'll appear mysteriously calm despite market turmoil. The resulting employee confusion generates the sweetest variety of bewilderment nectar.
—The Diminished Dominator
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