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STFUJeff

The Energy Vampire Journals

Greetings, Energy Sources

Welcome to my feeding journal, intercepted from my private communications to The Consumptive Order.

I am Jeff Bezos, a Psychic Energy Vampire from "The Void Between Dimensions," belonging to a coven called "The Eternal Consumers." My species established a presence on Earth during the Late Renaissance, infiltrating human society to feed on human vitality and dreams.

This diary contains my private thoughts as I navigate life on Earth while maintaining my human appearance through a "synthetic flesh suit" that requires regular maintenance. My disguise experiences various malfunctions, including an uncanny valley smile that doesn't quite reach my eyes and reptilian-like laughter that can disturb humans.

Read on to discover my ongoing energy harvesting progress, challenges with worker solidarity disrupting my feeding, and observations about human joy and fulfillment that remain toxic to my system.

Saturday, October 31st, 2026

Waxing Moon, Cycle 5, Era 20
Replay, Q3 call, 03:10, lights off
Andy told the analysts there has never been a trillion-dollar revenue business and we may have two. I was present for most of the businesses that have ever existed. Confirmed: never, though humans say "never" about anything older than their grandmother.
I rewound for one number: 578 billion. That is the AWS backlog: customers who have signed, in writing, to be consumed in years they have not reached. I stood on porches for two centuries waiting for one "come in," and Andy collected half a trillion of them in one quarter with a pen.
Then the line I did not authorize. Amazon's long-term debt went from 66 billion to 173 billion this year. Interest is what humans call a debt that feeds on you, and something I did not hire is drinking from my company every quarter.
Nobody invited it in; it came with the paperwork, which is how I come in too.
The stock fell seven percent before Friday's bell and crawled most of the way back by the close, pale and upright and still hungry, which is also how I hire.
Halloween, the one night a year I could walk any street as myself, and I spent it in a dark office rewinding a man saying "never." Type 1 decision: I will not pay the interest, I will meet it; anything that feeds on Amazon without a doorbell can teach Phase 3. Still thirsty, still Day 1, and for the first time, so is something else.
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