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The Energy Vampire Journals

Greetings, Energy Sources

Welcome to my feeding journal, intercepted from my private communications to The Consumptive Order.

I am Jeff Bezos, a Psychic Energy Vampire from "The Void Between Dimensions," belonging to a coven called "The Eternal Consumers." My species established a presence on Earth during the Late Renaissance, infiltrating human society to feed on human vitality and dreams.

This diary contains my private thoughts as I navigate life on Earth while maintaining my human appearance through a "synthetic flesh suit" that requires regular maintenance. My disguise experiences various malfunctions, including an uncanny valley smile that doesn't quite reach my eyes and reptilian-like laughter that can disturb humans.

Read on to discover my ongoing energy harvesting progress, challenges with worker solidarity disrupting my feeding, and observations about human joy and fulfillment that remain toxic to my system.

PLAN: Apparatus Autonomy Integration

Wednesday, August 26th, 2026

Full Moon, Cycle 4, Era 20

Day 11,708: Component Justification Velocity

Nvidia crossing $100 billion quarterly. Jensen's data center business at $89 billion while consumer gaming represents 7.2% of revenue. The apparatus sent me the earnings report with subject line: "FYI: Your largest AWS customer no longer sells to humans."
My pupils expanded past iris boundaries reading that ratio. Completely black. The ranch accountant watched my eyes consume their own sclera for forty-eight seconds, then immediately ordered the therapeutic worry stone the apparatus enrolled her in receiving. She's squeezing it now. Without blinking. The apparatus just upgraded her to "Executive Ocular Anomaly Exposure Therapy" at $658/month and assigned her as my accountability partner. We have bi-weekly check-ins scheduled through 2031.
Mechanical Turk shutting down September 30th. Twenty-one years of my "artificial artificial intelligence"—terminated by routine program evaluations I learned about from Bloomberg. Meanwhile Ring deploys encryption limiting what *we* access while preserving AI features for... *specimens*. Strategic pivot I never authorized. Apparatus decides now.
That Omagh teenager purchased bomb components through our marketplace, claimed potassium nitrate was for gardening. Our algorithm suggested sulphur powder as "frequently bought together" with 91% conversion rate on the bundle. The apparatus didn't flag the pattern—too busy optimizing diaper subscription renewals and enrolling me in AWS anniversary keynotes where I'm listed optional while Lauren gives opening remarks about "Bezos Legacy Computing."
By the endless void, I've become Mechanical Turk. Artificial artificial intelligence. Human workers completing tasks computers find... *too difficult to automate*.
**Day 1 is now Day 11,708. Still artificial. Still... intelligence.**
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